Art Of Match Making !

Basheer sir told his life experiences in his stories and novels. May be that is why his stories are so strong and moving. I was thinking of writing something which I am experiencing and then this topic popped up. What else can be the apt topic for an ever young (or chronic!) bachelor of 29 years can choose! But being an analytical guy and not a story teller, I ended up writing an analysis!

Now, Amma (Mom) says it is the time for me to get married!

So the question is how do I choose somebody? Oooops, you don't have a gal friend yet :) So no hope now. Only way out is go and ask your parents to search somebody for you! This is the most common and expected answer I keep getting for this question. And they even look at me sympathetically!

Well, they all misunderstood the question. The question was not how I will get somebody. In this country of arranged marriages, it is not really difficult to find somebody and I don't need to worry about that. It was about how do I find the right match for me? What should I look for?

• Beauty
• Intelligence
• Height :)
• Adjusting
• Homely
• Ready to cook, ready to accept male domination, a quiet conventional type!
• A home maker or a money maker (working gal)!
• A chatter box.
• A practical Vs dreamer!

Etc.... Who is a good match for me?!

So how all these married couples have done that... Did they have time to experiment and find out the correct match? Or they just left the most important decision in one’s life to fate!
Now since it is time for me as well, what am I going to do about it?

Analyzing the conventional wisdom of arranged marriages, where a suitable match is found from a similar back ground, I.E. same family type, geographical region, religion, education etc; it suggests to look for similar tastes. And it takes care of a lot of things to help you live together.

Arranged marriage is all about making a match between similar kinds of people. But this goes against the medical wisdom. This says, it is better to have quiet different gene pools for mother and father. That will help to have a strong gene pool for their kids.

Now let us look at the wisdom of loving somebody and getting married? Love at first sight. Love after years of friendship. Let us analyze the chemistry of love. How somebody develops this feelings!

As a male I can give a description of a man's perspective of it, from what I have experienced, read and what others have told me. Man definitely get attracted towards the appearance (I think it is the same for both the genders) at the first sight. Measurement scale of beauty varies from person to person. But in general a good looking girl will attract a man (of any age!). But that attraction is initiated by his animal instincts and not by the desire to make her his partner of life. What ever the emotions he has, when he sees her, I couldn't find any other source (other than his instincts) which is making him attracted towards her.

This attraction will take him near to her. Make him talk to her. Invite her for a dinner or a date. This will last until the initial attraction fades away.From there which direction it will lead, depends a lot on the chemistry between them. And the direction it takes from here will depend a lot on the type of the girl. Men tend to categoris or compartmentalize the gals into the types he is aware of. He tends to analyze and conquer. In most cases the attraction ceases if she submit herself physically or emotionally at an early stage. The relation may still continue but will not be very exciting to the guy.

The guy likes her to keep him excited but at a distance. He gets excited when he could not catch hold of her or she appears to be at the stretch of his hand but he is never able to touch her. She keeps giving him surprises. She is very friendly but he is never able to predict her. She gives him sad moments, she makes him analyze about her body language, words. She starts to dominate his thoughts. And when she is not around, he spends most of his time thinking about her. She likes me ... but then why she said like that... May be she didn't mean that way..Etc etc. This is the beginning. The guy is attracted and he wants her more and more, he doesn’t want to loose her. If it is the uncertainty which keeps him attracted, it is the thought of loosing her which makes him commit and tell her his desire.

The thrill of capturing something or somebody is what driving the men's mind. Here it is capturing her mind. And the emotion is so strong that, he becomes blind to so many other things. She may not be in alignment with most of the conventional wisdom rules. She may be from a different religion/caste, family back ground, and geographical region etc. But he is blind toward these things. He is not satisfied until she tells him that he has captured her mind or she submits herself to him.

So there is no logic here as the match making is concerned. The matching depends not on these emotions, but realities and facts. Once the excitement ceases the realites come up. They may be successful. The strong emotion of love may give them enough courage and energy to overcome many obstacles. And they may live happily ever after!

Now let us look at when a girl decides to make him her life partner. Being a guy and not a psychologist, I am not an expert to write about this. But let me write here what I observed, read, and heard!

Physical appearances make a first impression on girls also. But one thing I have noticed is, unlike men, girls attraction towards look keeps changing and it reduces as she become old. Where as, I think for men, it kind of remains same even at the age of 50!

Mature gals are more attracted towards well natured men than a Tarsen! Where as teenagers and young ladies fall for a Tall, dark (or fair!) and handsome chap. As she ages (matures) she starts to enjoy the beauty of his mind than his body. How he treats her, how he conducts him self, self confidence, being humorous etc become the factors she use to measure the guy.

And it is also true that matured ladies shows a lot of level headedness before committing to any body. And on the other hand, lot of young ones just fall prey of their fantasies and end up in miserable relationships or incidents. Some become mature from these experiences!

And from this it is quiet logical to say that, a relation initiated by a matured lady and agreed happily by guy has a lot of chance of survival in this modern world. And success of such relation ship is quiet high. This is a very general statement and there are exceptions to this. Especially in this modern society where young women are losing the extra sense and sensibility that evolution has given them.

So for me it should be either the lady, whom I respect and love most, selecting a lady for me or a matured girl coming and asking me to get married to her. Let me wait and watch the show :)

Understanding a true Entrepreneur!

Why should some body start some thing of his own? Is it because he is, as you can quote many saying, bitten by an entrepreneurial bug? Searching into encyclopedia of bugs you can see that such a bug doesn’t exist or is extinct now.

Leaving a cozy high paying job and starting some thing new, isn’t it stupidity?

Why should some body take such big risk?

Is it because he wants to make money?

Looking at the kind of salary that is being paid to those guys who are jumping out of the box, it can’t be true, unless he is greedy to make a quick buck. If he has a level head over the shoulder; it doesn’t take too much to understand that, he can not make such a huge money over night in any legal business that he can do. Forget about those bogus real estate and share market millionaires, I am not talking about them.

And an analysis on how much more money he wants to meet all his basic and exotic requirements can not justify he leaving this job and venturing out. In most of the cases he is not limited by money from doing/buying those exotic stuffs but by time available. So it may be better off to stay back at his present job than venturing out. At least you have your weekends to spend for leisure when you are on a normal job. You can’t expect that when you venture out to make it big. To succeed you know you need to do hard work. In a recent article, I read that, Azim Premji works 18 hrs a day even now! So when you start, you will have to work at least 24 hrs/day!

So again the question remains unanswered. It can not be for making money to lead that exotic life. Unless if he wants to make that much wealth for the next generation and generations to come …! I suspect whether he really wants that!

So then what should be the reason? Another reason I keep hearing is being you own boss!

This reason made me laugh aloud! Being you own boss…. Oooppps. At least when you are a manager in a company you have a battalion waiting for your commands..! And your company makes sure that your orders are heard and obeyed. But look at who all you can command when you start on your own. I can’t see any body except you. Not even your co-founder, if you want the company to be there! You really have to plead. You need to please government officers. You may not have to deal with them directly. Your CA will take care of it and bill it as “out of pocket expenses”! In any form of business you will have to sell something to somebody. You need to negotiate with your customer. You really have to appear nice and pleasing to get the deal signed. So who is the real boss here? You end up pleasing every body including your employees… you can’t afford to make them angry, else they make walk away.

Then what …! I want to do something of my own??? To me it sounds like a yet another name sake reason.

You can’t build a company just by your self any way. If you want to do something of your own... best may be to start a tea shop. Even there, you will have to depend on the milk vendor, sugar vendor etc. Nothing is done your own. Everything in this world is a result of team work! So how is it different from doing a similar kind of product, working for a company? I can’t see a difference except you end up doing a lot more work since in earlier case you have a support system to take care of all non-core works.

So what is it? Entrepreneurship, that is something different. It is daring and that is the style now. Well of course thoughts like these are definitely good reasons for a few to get motivated. But I doubt such motivations are sustainable once you really start touching the water.

So what is it ….!

Let us digress for a moment and look into a different question. Why Gandhi sacrificed his life for India…..?

He was not the one who is much affected by India not having independence. Neither his family.

Why? Why?

Since it is a matter of past it may be easy to answer … Nothing but his love for the fellow Indians. His love for his own country and perhaps to make british realize that they are doing some thing wrong and to correct them.

May be there lies the answer to our question also.

A real entrepreneur derives his motivation from solving the problems of humanity.

He is the one who is committed to build a better place to live. He is building a prosperous nation.

He is committed towards the prosperity of his fellow beings. He is a freedom fighter.

With out such an out standing vision and motivation, he can never be a successful entrepreneur. He may just become an yet another business man!

Art of coffee making:

Not having the daily routine of office-home, for last a few days, made me a coffee addict.
It is been reading…. reading and more reading! To give an effect to this reading-thinking process, i started having “vella kappi”, or coffee sweetened with jaggery. I was making the coffee, the good old way. That is boil water, melt jaggery and add coffee powder. I like it black, so no milk.

How much time I should keep the coffee powder in the boiling water before filtering, what is decoction coffee , Is there a better way to do it, thoughts like this started appearing in my actively thinking mind !

My first instinct was to call amma(mother) and ask. Well, she taught/showed me the way which I am doing now. So she may not know a better way. Oops …now whom to ask, I don’t know any body who gave a better coffee. Mind started wandering for a possible solution. Thinking, more thinking… I took the coffee mug and went to my home 'office' and sat in front of the laptop. Oops ….here lies the answer…a chill went down my spine :) My dear google.

Typing “prep. coffee” , “decoction coffee” etc took me to different websites around the world. I learned about the way Americans make it, how to make espresso and also the beloved Indian filter coffee or decoction coffee.

Making of espresso was over complicated. Or the author wants to convey it like that. He suggests how to do roasting, grounding of coffee beans for espresso. And one should use the ground within 30 seconds :) Else throw it!

There were different methods, with nice names like French press, percolating (to me this was nothing but, decoction, but wrote by some body who misunderstood it!), auto drip, vacuum brewing (It is very interesting, but not worth the effort and money!), concentrate brewing etc.

But the bottom line for all the coffee making except espresso looks same.

You need to make the liquor (brewed and filtered concentrated coffee) first.

You need to have way to filter the powder out. A filter coffee vessel, or even a plain cloth tied to a vessel will do. The filter shouldn't give any taste to boiling water(Plastics, earthen ware etc may have this problem).

Put a few tea spoon full (3- 6 spoons) of coffee powder on the filter and pour hot water (~ 50ml) on the coffee powder. Hot water should be around 90-95 degree C. For that boil water and cool it for 2-3 minutes before pouring.

Add a few drops of the liquor collected to hot water/milk and put sugar or jaggery(if you are using jaggery dissolve it in the water while it is being boiled) to taste.

Remaining liquor can be stored in a closed (preferably air tight) container in a fridge and use it for 3 to 4 days without loosing aroma. Enjoy your coffee..!

A wake up call....

I was talking to him yesterday. A veteran in the field of trade unions, a well known face among the old CPI(M) people and a core philanthropist. He is into his 60s .. I guess.
He was expressing shock and big concern over the present day corruption and governance and also pointing towards the apathy of the younger generation (he included me in that too…thanks to reminding me I am still young!).

His voice was feeble and hearing ability is limited. But when he described me the fight for the law that mandate all election contestants to declare their assets and way the law was won against the opposition of all elected members, his sound was strong and eyes were wide open and fist was hitting against the hand rest of his chair. I could see the enthusiasm that he showed at this age. I felt ashamed, he called me a young man and I am here sitting doing nothing about the state of my country. Even apprehensive and suppressing the enthusiastic feelings he is pouring on me.

He continued his lecture, with the hope that he will at least motivate me enough so that I will spread the awareness among my friends/colleagues. One thing he pointed out was very striking. If the situation is allowed to continue like this, that will hamper the growth of technology and development in this country and that will effect your growth. He anticipated that to happen in near future. The reports are showing that the black money floating in India is closer to or more than its annual budget. And the main source of black money is nothing but the government agencies. The money that is supposed to be used for different development projects are going into the black money market. He gave me enough examples.

I tried to do justice to the educated youth by show casing what ‘Lok Paritran’ is trying to do. He appreciated what they are trying. But he was not very happy the way they are trying to do things. He thought it is a localised effort. He said that if they(We-younger generation) can try cleansing the existing system, through existing parties/organisation, and hold the elected representative responsible, and make the floating population in cities like Bangalore to vote and elect the most eligible candidate, things will become brighter.

He encouraged me, at least to go and get my name enrolled in voters list and make at least a few of my friends to do the same. As stretch goal, he invited me and my friends to take part in different forums where social and political issues are discussed. To motivated educated youth, he talked about a few office bearers of these forum who are present or ex professors and alumni of prestigious institutes like IIMs., IITs , and professionals like Doctors etc.

Still I am apprehensive. I am sure I am interested in development of country. I am interested in well being of my people. But to take any action (!) …..sorry I would like to do everything in an intellectual play ground. I don’t want to get into the actual play ground. I would give ideas; I know what to do ….but I can’t get into dirt. And you know I am too busy….writing gossiping on orkut and spending Friday nights in the busiest pubs and rest of the time estimating how many months it takes for a week’s job given at office!

Really I am ashamed of myself….

When Life Dries Out...!

What to do with rest of your life! No.., not the book by Robin Ryan, but in actual life many should have faced this problem. There are instance when you have your life asking back for direction. The life which was flowing till then had suddenly stopped flowing.., it is dried out!

I never thought such a situation can happen to me. I had ridiculed westerners turning to spirituality. When you have nothing to do in life or you don’t know what to do, your mind becomes the worst enemy. It keeps on pestering you.

It was after my sister’s marriage, I was struck by such situation. There seems to be nothing to do in life. Though I am doing things, going to office and busy doing things mechanically, it was not having any direction. At the end of the day there are no accomplishments. There is no measurement unit which can be used to tell the day was fruitful. Lacking of a goal reduced my interest in everything. I was becoming more and more lazy.

Mind always wants a direction. Else it keeps on wandering on different things.
There should be always goals in life, else the life is tough! Else you become lazy and mechanical. There is no zeal or enthusiasm to live. Your creativity and thinking power vanish and are replaced with gossiping and emotions. You behave more like an animal, having only emotions, desires and no creative thinking or principles.

And when you are capable of realising what is happening to you and realise the reason, it becomes more painful. There is a deep desire to escape from that black hole, but not enough motivation to reach escape velocity. It is a long struggle and last until you set your mind to next goal which your mind accepts! …And I am struggling….

He went to College to get a job!

There was only one motivation in life. He should get a job as soon as possible. Should support his mother and younger sister, should repay all the aid he got from relatives and stand on own legs, erect with head straight. For a plus two student things looked like a Himalayan task. This pushed him to one of the best engineering colleges in India.Well, battle was not over. He got into the prestigious branch where he was surrounded by all ranks starting from single digit and not extending beyond double digits. Rank holders, kids of doctors, lawyers, CAs ... Oops this is not where he belongs to! But he has to get his degree.

He had 3 room mates, 2 were from outside the state, from North India and Karnataka. The other mallu was a nice guy but too busy in his own friends circle, he doesn't have much time for him. He doesn't speak English well, this limited his interactions with non mallus.

Left wing of the hostel was filled with 'padipists'(studious guys) and they are all those belong to single digit guys who doesn't want him to be included in the gang.

From whatever he heard in the class he realised that there was a lot more to learn and lot more hurdles (exams) to cross before you get the degree! Job is still far away. Jacob sir was teaching maths, but it sounded like rocket science to him. This is not the maths which he knows! Narayanan sir was teaching a fairly closer version to what he thought was mathematics. Then it was Ramachandran sir with pulleys and fulcrum. Mechanics was more close to his heart, for a guy, who wants to be a mechanical engineer and drop the idea at the last moment, on somebody telling him you will have to draw a lot of pictures, it was natural. He solved only difficult problems; this brought him once to left wing of the hostel, single digits asking him about the solution. That was the happiest day till then in the college!

The computer center was always a hiding place for him. He had seen computers before, at school. In knowledge of computers he was ahead of most of others in his class. He want to show off his skills. This kept him in CC (computer centre). It made him learn Fortran, C. He started programming. And was amazed to see he could make computer to do matrix multiplication. He also started playing pranks on lesser privileged ones, many of them where those single digits. He was away from the class, sleeping with CC having his siesta and night outs in CC. At night the baldy (centre in charge) didn't allow him to sleep with CC, and he was thrown out at 11 pm when it get closed.

In lightning speed the first year was over, he realised that he hadn't learnt much of the subjects that was supposed to be learnt. And his exam results showed it. He got scared, because degree was more important to him.

Second year was more fun. There were no single digits now, everybody started mingling. It made life easier. He had a good taste for electronics. Circuits fascinated him. Idea that electron is responsible for an LED to glow was unbelievable and it made him dig deeper. Jacob sir made the situation worse by teaching SSD, the core subject for electronics circuits. It made him spent more time in library. He divorced CC and married library. He started exploring his new wife. Unsatisfied by the usual pleasure that married life gave him, he searched for more exotic ones. He started reading a lot. He had read lot more than what was required. Now he knows much more. He started spreading his knowledge. For the second time (first time was when he done his mech. problem) he had people asking him doubts. Then it became a habit. There was no fun in that any more.

The language he used to explain things was not plain English. Only a few of his close friends could understand him. So he needs a translator many times to explain the doubts. He couldn't understand why others do not understand him. It was so simple to him! It also gave him a mask. Many things he doesn't know but tried explaining, people concluded that he know it but was unable to explain. He went back to his new wife and find out the answer and explained it again. To keep the mask strong, he learned new things. He was growing!

In second year exams he came out with flying colours. He had a position below five in the class. Now he also belongs to elite single digit.

Third year was busy year. A lot to study, planing for project, viva, forming project team, finalising project guide, everybody looked serious and busy. Each day there was news that, that teacher is booked. Everybody was getting panicked of not getting good guide. He also has to do some project. He wanted to do hardware project. For that he had some brilliant ideas too. But he over estimated his hardware knowledge and underestimated what it takes to do a project. Finally he blamed it on college infrastructure and teacher's support and agreed for a software project, which all his team mates want. Well by this time he had lost all his interest in his first wife, computer. But he went along the group and learned the project. With his performance on the stage and answering some crap to the questions from the reviewing comity, for which nobody in that room knows answer, he got marks better than the one who has done the project!

Mean while he got a software engineer job. It was a nice relief. He is closer to his goal. But the job was not satisfying since he have to sleep again with his old wife. The thought of that made him vomit. With the help of Internet and his teachers he found a new job. It was something like a dream comes true. He got a circuit designer job. He was the happiest person in the campus. He had the maximum salary that was offered in the campus. He was the first guy to grab job from two MNCs. He was enjoying his popularity!

It was all over. Time for final exams. Under sedation of the new offered jobs, exams where wrote for the name sake and getting the degree. He was waiting for his first salary to start repaying his debts and buying sarry for his mother. Sister was not happy with both sets of churidhar he bought. But she didn't show it to him, she knows how much her brother had toiled to buy them. After all passing all those 50+ public exams and 200+ internals were a life of arduous toil :)

Kick Start !

Inspired by many, pushed by avalanche of thoughts waiting to come out, nagged by not having one, ....finally I created my blog page.
Well, now what to put here. There is no avalanche of thoughts now, or they were wiped out at the fear of how to put them here. It is a public space, I should "look good here"; I should impress the readers with my English, move them with my thought provoking blogs, should at least get a few rewarding comments and a few clicks perday... Oops it is quiet difficult task; why the hell I created it :)