Monday, December 24, 2007

A wake up call....

I was talking to him yesterday. A veteran in the field of trade unions, a well known face among the old CPI(M) people and a core philanthropist. He is into his 60s .. I guess.
He was expressing shock and big concern over the present day corruption and governance and also pointing towards the apathy of the younger generation (he included me in that too…thanks to reminding me I am still young!).

His voice was feeble and hearing ability is limited. But when he described me the fight for the law that mandate all election contestants to declare their assets and way the law was won against the opposition of all elected members, his sound was strong and eyes were wide open and fist was hitting against the hand rest of his chair. I could see the enthusiasm that he showed at this age. I felt ashamed, he called me a young man and I am here sitting doing nothing about the state of my country. Even apprehensive and suppressing the enthusiastic feelings he is pouring on me.

He continued his lecture, with the hope that he will at least motivate me enough so that I will spread the awareness among my friends/colleagues. One thing he pointed out was very striking. If the situation is allowed to continue like this, that will hamper the growth of technology and development in this country and that will effect your growth. He anticipated that to happen in near future. The reports are showing that the black money floating in India is closer to or more than its annual budget. And the main source of black money is nothing but the government agencies. The money that is supposed to be used for different development projects are going into the black money market. He gave me enough examples.

I tried to do justice to the educated youth by show casing what ‘Lok Paritran’ is trying to do. He appreciated what they are trying. But he was not very happy the way they are trying to do things. He thought it is a localised effort. He said that if they(We-younger generation) can try cleansing the existing system, through existing parties/organisation, and hold the elected representative responsible, and make the floating population in cities like Bangalore to vote and elect the most eligible candidate, things will become brighter.

He encouraged me, at least to go and get my name enrolled in voters list and make at least a few of my friends to do the same. As stretch goal, he invited me and my friends to take part in different forums where social and political issues are discussed. To motivated educated youth, he talked about a few office bearers of these forum who are present or ex professors and alumni of prestigious institutes like IIMs., IITs , and professionals like Doctors etc.

Still I am apprehensive. I am sure I am interested in development of country. I am interested in well being of my people. But to take any action (!) …..sorry I would like to do everything in an intellectual play ground. I don’t want to get into the actual play ground. I would give ideas; I know what to do ….but I can’t get into dirt. And you know I am too busy….writing gossiping on orkut and spending Friday nights in the busiest pubs and rest of the time estimating how many months it takes for a week’s job given at office!

Really I am ashamed of myself….

When Life Dries Out...!

What to do with rest of your life! No.., not the book by Robin Ryan, but in actual life many should have faced this problem. There are instance when you have your life asking back for direction. The life which was flowing till then had suddenly stopped flowing.., it is dried out!

I never thought such a situation can happen to me. I had ridiculed westerners turning to spirituality. When you have nothing to do in life or you don’t know what to do, your mind becomes the worst enemy. It keeps on pestering you.

It was after my sister’s marriage, I was struck by such situation. There seems to be nothing to do in life. Though I am doing things, going to office and busy doing things mechanically, it was not having any direction. At the end of the day there are no accomplishments. There is no measurement unit which can be used to tell the day was fruitful. Lacking of a goal reduced my interest in everything. I was becoming more and more lazy.

Mind always wants a direction. Else it keeps on wandering on different things.
There should be always goals in life, else the life is tough! Else you become lazy and mechanical. There is no zeal or enthusiasm to live. Your creativity and thinking power vanish and are replaced with gossiping and emotions. You behave more like an animal, having only emotions, desires and no creative thinking or principles.

And when you are capable of realising what is happening to you and realise the reason, it becomes more painful. There is a deep desire to escape from that black hole, but not enough motivation to reach escape velocity. It is a long struggle and last until you set your mind to next goal which your mind accepts! …And I am struggling….

Saturday, December 22, 2007

He went to College to get a job!

There was only one motivation in life. He should get a job as soon as possible. Should support his mother and younger sister, should repay all the aid he got from relatives and stand on own legs, erect with head straight. For a plus two student things looked like a Himalayan task. This pushed him to one of the best engineering colleges in India.Well, battle was not over. He got into the prestigious branch where he was surrounded by all ranks starting from single digit and not extending beyond double digits. Rank holders, kids of doctors, lawyers, CAs ... Oops this is not where he belongs to! But he has to get his degree.

He had 3 room mates, 2 were from outside the state, from North India and Karnataka. The other mallu was a nice guy but too busy in his own friends circle, he doesn't have much time for him. He doesn't speak English well, this limited his interactions with non mallus.

Left wing of the hostel was filled with 'padipists'(studious guys) and they are all those belong to single digit guys who doesn't want him to be included in the gang.

From whatever he heard in the class he realised that there was a lot more to learn and lot more hurdles (exams) to cross before you get the degree! Job is still far away. Jacob sir was teaching maths, but it sounded like rocket science to him. This is not the maths which he knows! Narayanan sir was teaching a fairly closer version to what he thought was mathematics. Then it was Ramachandran sir with pulleys and fulcrum. Mechanics was more close to his heart, for a guy, who wants to be a mechanical engineer and drop the idea at the last moment, on somebody telling him you will have to draw a lot of pictures, it was natural. He solved only difficult problems; this brought him once to left wing of the hostel, single digits asking him about the solution. That was the happiest day till then in the college!

The computer center was always a hiding place for him. He had seen computers before, at school. In knowledge of computers he was ahead of most of others in his class. He want to show off his skills. This kept him in CC (computer centre). It made him learn Fortran, C. He started programming. And was amazed to see he could make computer to do matrix multiplication. He also started playing pranks on lesser privileged ones, many of them where those single digits. He was away from the class, sleeping with CC having his siesta and night outs in CC. At night the baldy (centre in charge) didn't allow him to sleep with CC, and he was thrown out at 11 pm when it get closed.

In lightning speed the first year was over, he realised that he hadn't learnt much of the subjects that was supposed to be learnt. And his exam results showed it. He got scared, because degree was more important to him.

Second year was more fun. There were no single digits now, everybody started mingling. It made life easier. He had a good taste for electronics. Circuits fascinated him. Idea that electron is responsible for an LED to glow was unbelievable and it made him dig deeper. Jacob sir made the situation worse by teaching SSD, the core subject for electronics circuits. It made him spent more time in library. He divorced CC and married library. He started exploring his new wife. Unsatisfied by the usual pleasure that married life gave him, he searched for more exotic ones. He started reading a lot. He had read lot more than what was required. Now he knows much more. He started spreading his knowledge. For the second time (first time was when he done his mech. problem) he had people asking him doubts. Then it became a habit. There was no fun in that any more.

The language he used to explain things was not plain English. Only a few of his close friends could understand him. So he needs a translator many times to explain the doubts. He couldn't understand why others do not understand him. It was so simple to him! It also gave him a mask. Many things he doesn't know but tried explaining, people concluded that he know it but was unable to explain. He went back to his new wife and find out the answer and explained it again. To keep the mask strong, he learned new things. He was growing!

In second year exams he came out with flying colours. He had a position below five in the class. Now he also belongs to elite single digit.

Third year was busy year. A lot to study, planing for project, viva, forming project team, finalising project guide, everybody looked serious and busy. Each day there was news that, that teacher is booked. Everybody was getting panicked of not getting good guide. He also has to do some project. He wanted to do hardware project. For that he had some brilliant ideas too. But he over estimated his hardware knowledge and underestimated what it takes to do a project. Finally he blamed it on college infrastructure and teacher's support and agreed for a software project, which all his team mates want. Well by this time he had lost all his interest in his first wife, computer. But he went along the group and learned the project. With his performance on the stage and answering some crap to the questions from the reviewing comity, for which nobody in that room knows answer, he got marks better than the one who has done the project!

Mean while he got a software engineer job. It was a nice relief. He is closer to his goal. But the job was not satisfying since he have to sleep again with his old wife. The thought of that made him vomit. With the help of Internet and his teachers he found a new job. It was something like a dream comes true. He got a circuit designer job. He was the happiest person in the campus. He had the maximum salary that was offered in the campus. He was the first guy to grab job from two MNCs. He was enjoying his popularity!

It was all over. Time for final exams. Under sedation of the new offered jobs, exams where wrote for the name sake and getting the degree. He was waiting for his first salary to start repaying his debts and buying sarry for his mother. Sister was not happy with both sets of churidhar he bought. But she didn't show it to him, she knows how much her brother had toiled to buy them. After all passing all those 50+ public exams and 200+ internals were a life of arduous toil :)

Kick Start !

Inspired by many, pushed by avalanche of thoughts waiting to come out, nagged by not having one, ....finally I created my blog page.
Well, now what to put here. There is no avalanche of thoughts now, or they were wiped out at the fear of how to put them here. It is a public space, I should "look good here"; I should impress the readers with my English, move them with my thought provoking blogs, should at least get a few rewarding comments and a few clicks perday... Oops it is quiet difficult task; why the hell I created it :)